Lightweight multitool
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"out of a sense of duty, I tried throwing it around the garden a bit, used the end as a hammer and finally invented a new exercise trying to pull the two sides apart till my face turned purple."

Portable mp3 soundbar speakers
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"the thing comes in a black fabric bag to carry around like something 10 inches long that's mysterious and rude. It's still not worth buying."

Convertible travel trouser/shorts
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"they have one of those very flimsy lightweight belts. I was bored and fiddled with the buckle. I tried opening and shutting it really fast over and over just in case it snapped. It didn't and I felt a bit stupid. Hopefully no-one was watching me.."

Trendy rubber laptop 'glove' case
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"Pros: Neat, tight, simple
Cons: The overpowering smell of rubber
Verdict: Rather repulsive"

Shoe socks for travellers
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"when I read the instructions I realised there are people dumb enough to buy socks to keep their shoes in. The instructions tell buyers: "Do not wear your shoes with the socks on. Doing so may cause bodily injury or EVEN DEATH."